I Want My Big Sister Back

My big sister at work (not my real sister) came back for a visit today. She left the company toward the end of February, and this was the first time she’s been back. I was really glad to see her, of course; I became very close to her in the last few months she was working with me (I don’t just call anyone my big sister). At the same time, though, seeing her made me realize how much I missed her and how much things at work have changed since she left.

I’ve really been quite unhappy with my work situation lately. Not my job, per se, but more from the working environment. My boss still mostly ignores me, and she sounds annoyed when I do talk to her. I barely say two words to my old work crush, to whom I used to spend hours talking after work. The situation has gone on for so long now that I’m not as bothered by it anymore, but occasionally I’ll still feel awkward, especially when my boss and my work crush are being talkative and cheery to each other right in front of me.

When my big sister was still working at our company, things were good. Everything is different now. Seeing my big sister made me think about the old times. The good times. I wish she still worked with me. I want my big sister back.

Luckily, I still have my best friend at work (formerly my “lunch friend”) to keep me sane throughout the day. I would go crazy if I felt like absolutely no one liked me.

Twitter

I very recently became addicted to Twitter. I created a personal Twitter to try it out, and now I use my tweets to update my status on Facebook. I love being able to tweet from my iPod touch. I feel somehow more connected to my social network when I use Twitter; it keeps me motivated to check Facebook more than I used to when I just used Facebook alone (don’t ask me why, I couldn’t tell you).

The problem, though, is that I have Facebook friends from all walks of life, some of whom I work with and some of whom don’t even know (for sure) I’m gay (like my cousins or some very Christian friends from high school). As a result, I find myself censoring my tweets. I don’t generally have a dirty mind, but there are some things that I don’t necessarily want everyone to know.

My best friend at work (who I may have referred to before as my “lunch friend”) and I went Starbucks after lunch today to get an afternoon caffeine fix (to get us through the day). Actually, we always (without exception) go to Starbucks after lunch. While we were waiting for our drinks, I saw a really cute guy ordering a drink. I kept eyeing him (I love eye candy), but I really wanted a way to document my thoughts (as mildly inappropriate as they are).

Because of my need to micro-blog in a slightly more anonymous way, I created a Twitter account specifically for this blog! This way, I have an outlet for what I’m thinking about throughout the day, and I can share those thoughts with the handful of people who read this (thank you)!

I added the Twitter widget to the right column of the blog. Also, if you have a Twitter account, you can follow me here. Enjoy!

Old Boss/Friend

I went out to dinner last night with my old boss/friend and his friends for his birthday. I rarely ever hang out with him outside of work; the last time I did was at least six months ago. Wishing my friend a happy birthday has always been fun for me (I always remember his and he never remembers mine), so I immediately said yes when I was invited to his birthday dinner, even though I didn’t know any of his non-work friends.

During work hours, my old boss/friend is still very serious and all business, so I’m glad I got to see him cut loose a little and be himself. Just being a part of his birthday dinner was a great feeling. Since I’ve been feeling isolated and a bit awkward at work lately because the people who used to be my friends aren’t anymore, it’s really nice to know that I still have a friend in him.

Disconnected

I had a great time in Vegas. I didn’t do much besides walk with my friends from one casino to another while watching one of them play slots as the other played poker, but the trip was very relaxing. Starting from around 10:30am on Friday, I had zero access to the internet all weekend. At first I was hesitant to be so disconnected from the world (I could have bought 24 hour access to WiFi in my hotel room for $12), but having no internet was a great way to force myself not to think about work or any other worries.

In other news, when I came back home Sunday afternoon, I found out about the swine flu outbreak. I hate hearing about possible pandemics; they really scare me. My heart starts racing any time I read about the Spanish Flu. I’ve been keeping up with the news on the swine flu, which makes me worry more. I really hope the World Health Organization (WHO) can get things under control quickly.

What a great way to come back from a weekend with no worries: worrying about a pandemic. I guess I can’t escape reality forever.

Distancing Myself

I’ve been trying to distance myself emotionally from my work, and so far it’s been successful. I’m not constantly obsessing about my work crush, and I’m doing my best not to let my still possibly awkward (I might be overanalyzing) relationship with my boss bother me too much. I haven’t stayed for dinner in the office all week (except tonight).

I’m also taking the day off tomorrow to go to Las Vegas with a high school friend and his brother. There’s no special occasion; my friend wanted to go and invited me along – who am I to say no to a trip to Las Vegas? I haven’t had a three day weekend in 2009 yet (one of the downsides to working for a small company as opposed to a government job), so this weekend is going to be a welcomed break. It will give me a chance to get away and distance myself even further from the office.

Work Is Not Life

Last week was a pretty bad week. I made a few somewhat big (more like medium sized) mistakes concentrated into the one week, so I was not enjoying my work. Coupling that with my work friends becoming just coworkers didn’t help. Thankfully, my weekend was spent completely away from work; I forgot how nice it is to take a break, even if I don’t do anything special.

I’m starting to realize something that is probably very obvious: work is not my life. Over the last few months, I let work become my life. I stayed later and later, I went in on a few Saturdays, and I desperately wanted my coworkers to be my friends. I thought I was happy, but I was being consumed.

As crappy as last week was, it helped me see that I can’t keep doing what I’m doing. If I really want more out of life, I can’t stay where I am. Even if now isn’t the time to change jobs (I’m lucky to have a job, I know), I have to keep thinking ahead.

I have to figure out what I want to do. I can’t settle for this.

Losing Friends At Work

My friendship with my work crush has been fading away the last few weeks. He distanced himself from me, and now there are almost no pleasantries between us anymore. He acts like I’m just a coworker, except that he’s even more serious with me than anyone else (or that’s how I feel).

Even my friendship with my boss has changed too. Maybe she’s just stressed or busy, but she hasn’t been herself around me this week. I’ve barely spoken to her all week, and when I have, she seems impatient or unresponsive. It feels like she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore either.

They act like they always have when they’re around other people, so it makes me think that these changes are directed only at me. But I honestly don’t know what happened. I don’t know what changed since last week that has made me lose my friends at work.

I need my friends back. Perhaps making friends isn’t what work or business is about, but I don’t think work should be like this either. Work sucks now because of this. I’ve been leaving work earlier lately because it’s too uncomfortable for me to stay behind when no one will talk to me.

One Of Those Days

Today was one of those days where I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I felt off the whole day. I left work early (well, 7:30pm is earlier than usual) to try and relax at home, but I still feel anxious.

It didn’t help that I made a mistake at work toward the end of last week that just caught up to me today. I felt like my boss was mad at me all day. I’m thinking it’s because she got in trouble from her boss for my mistake, but I don’t know for sure. The mistake isn’t irreparable, but I really should know better by now. I hate making mistakes like that. My boss barely said two words to me today, which is noticeably different from our usual many conversations over our shared cubicle wall.

In other news, I had an envelope waiting for me when I got home that was from the US Department of the Treasury. Apparently I qualified for the recovery rebate credit (and I didn’t know about it when I filed my taxes a few weeks ago), so I got a nice bonus check! My day still feels crappy, but at least I’m a few hundred dollars richer.

Lost In Pasadena

A friend of mine from graduate school has been visiting LA this week, so we made arrangements to meet up last night. He doesn’t have a car while he’s down here, so I had to drive to see him. We decided to meet at a bookstore in Pasadena, which is about 45 miles away from my office. I had never driven to Pasadena before, so I used Google Maps to plan my route. I printed out the directions and left for Pasadena straight after work.

Surprisingly, there wasn’t much traffic on the way there. I thought it would take over an hour, but it took me only 45 minutes. I figured I’d be really early and I could shop around the bookstore for half an hour while waiting for my friend (I love bookstores).

I followed my Google Maps directions and got off the freeway at the correct exit, but I then somehow missed the turn I was supposed to make after exiting. The street I was on was a one-way street (I hate those), so I couldn’t make a U-turn and find the right street. I had to continue driving until I saw a major street with which I could find my way back.

I have a terrible sense of direction. After making a few turns onto streets I thought would take me where I wanted to go, I was lost. I ended up somewhere in Alhambra, around 5-10 miles away from Pasadena. I don’t have a GPS, so that wasn’t an option. I would have called my dad for directions (he knows the area really well), but my cell phone was out of battery.

So what was I to do? Luckily, I had my trusty iPod touch with me! I drove around until I found a McDonald’s, since I know they have Wi-Fi. Unlike the McDonald’s near my house that has free Wi-Fi, I had to pay $2.95 to get a two-hour block of internet time, but that’s a small price to pay for finding a way out of being lost.

I typed in the address into Google Maps to get directions from where I was, and I found I was about 6 miles away from my destination. I got in my car and followed my iPod precisely, even looking at my odometer to see how many tenths of miles I was going before I was supposed to see a particular street at which to turn. In 15 minutes I had parked and was in the bookstore, making me only two minutes late.

I couldn’t believe that I got myself lost, even after I had printed out directions. I’m so glad I had my iPod with me. I would have gone crazy otherwise. Best purchase I’ve ever made!

Downtime

I’ve been listening to a lot of Jo Dee Messina on my iPod lately. Most of her biggest songs have upbeat tempos and optimistic lyrics, so listening to her sometimes lifts my spirits a little.

I’m currently addicted to one song called “Downtime” that sounds a little like what I’m going through nowadays. I try to think of it whenever I get down about my work crush. Here are the lyrics:

I haven’t been myself these days according to friends
I tend to lose a part of me when my heart is on the mend
I’ll be alright it’s safe to say
‘Cause just like your love this is only a phase

Oh, I’ve been on this road a time or two, it’s nothing new
I’ll get on my feet and over you
I tell myself that everything will be just fine
I’m just going through a little downtime

Some might think I’ve gotten caught up in heartache’s aftermath
But your memory’s taken second to a good book and nice long bath
I must admit it threw me at first
But I’m convinced I’m over the worst

Oh, I’ve been down this road a time or two, it’s nothing new
I’ll get on my feet and over you
I tell myself that everything will be just fine
I’m just going through a little downtime

Time is meant to play the part
In taking care of broken hearts

Oh, I’ve been down this road a time or two, it’s nothing new
I’ll get on my feet and over you
I tell myself that everything will be just fine
I’m just going through a little downtime

I’m just going through a little downtime