My Two Sisters

I spent the weekend with my sister in Irvine. We haven’t spent much time together since I came out to her, which is why I made it a point to go visit her by myself. As expected, my sister treated me no differently than she always has (which is good). Occasionally over the weekend, my sexuality was brought up, but it was never uncomfortable. She asked me about my recent dates and whether I’ve had my first kiss yet (a valid question, since I’ve never had a boyfriend), and we talked about how much we both like Paul Rudd and Bradley Cooper (and other cute/hot actors)! The weekend was great!

On a separate topic, my sister mentioned that she’s considering going to nursing school. She is currently in sales and hates her job, even more than I hate mine (from what I’ve heard, her boss is worse). She wants to go back to school because she wants a “career,” not just a “job.” My sister has her condo’s mortgage to pay, so quitting her job and going back to school full time (even for a few months) would definitely be a challenge, especially since she’s planning on either being a mom or mom-to-be in a year from now (she’s getting married in three months). Still, if nursing is the career she wants to pursue, I think she should go for it. It’s never too late.

Interestingly, my big sister from work had a similar conversation with me last week. She has decided to go to culinary school starting next month! She wanted to go ten years ago, but she took the safe route of holding onto a secure job with our company instead (which is what her mom wanted). Now that she doesn’t work for us (besides these three weeks she’s been back) and she doesn’t have the financial burdens from when she was younger (she lives with her lawyer boyfriend and has no kids), there’s no reason for her not to pursue her dream career.

Even though their situations are different, my two sisters (my real sister and my big sister from work) both hate their jobs and want to make bold changes in their careers. I’m about ten years younger than both of them (they are one year apart from each other), but I’m at a somewhat parallel stage in my life. I don’t want to work for ten years at a job I hate before ultimately deciding to make a change and do something that I should have done now. The time for change is coming.


An Excellent Brain

I’m getting really close to quitting my job at Target. My move to the price change team doesn’t seem to be happening any time soon, and my current position isn’t conducive to properly studying for the actuarial exams. I come home late and tired, so all I want to do at night is relax.

It seems risky, though, to quit (especially during the current economic situation) in the hopes that I pass the second exam in November. The second exam isn’t even a guarantee of getting a job, either. I may not even get an actuarial job until after I pass the third exam, which would be in May of next year at the earliest.

Even if I have no future at Target, doesn’t having the job have some amount of value? Doesn’t the job demonstrate the ability deal with difficult people and work in a team environment? My dad seems to think that none of the skills I’m using/gaining at Target are useful or transferable to the actuary field because actuary uses professional skills and retail is non-professional, but I disagree.

Basically, I don’t know if it’s a good move to quit my job to focus on studying. I think that my job at Target has its redeeming qualities, and I don’t know if I’m willing to be unemployed for a year before my career has a chance of starting.

Most of this post stems from a conversation I had with my dad tonight. We were discussing what jobs I could do, and he always came back to the actuary field as the best option. The pay is good, I can use my background, and I don’t need additional schooling. I’m a little skeptical in my abilities to pass the exams, but my dad said he has faith that I can do it. I have “an excellent brain.” I just have to use it.

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Five Day Weekend

After a lot of confusing mixing around of schedules and requesting time off, I have the next five days off from work. I didn’t plan on having a five day weekend, but I’m not really going to complain.

My dad is really worried that I’m never going to find a “real” job. He keeps telling me that days off aren’t for goofing off and that my mom and he won’t be around to support me forever. He stresses how he thinks the actuary field is the right career for me, and he asks why I’m so against it. I hate how my dad always brings up the actuary field as if I’m not thinking about my future at all.

I’m not against the actuary field, per se. I’m just trying to keep my options open by not only looking into actuary jobs. I suppose, though, that not focusing my efforts toward one career path is the same as having no goal at all.

I really have to figure out what the heck I’m doing.

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It’s been a long time since I’ve updated my friends (especially those from graduate school) about what I’ve been doing since I last saw them in November. In particular, I haven’t been telling people that I work for peanuts at Target and that I haven’t studied for the actuarial exams since January.

As gung ho as I was about working for Target and looking into a management career, I feel like I’ve been hiding this career choice from my math friends. There are certain people who I feel would be disappointed in me that I’m not pursuing an actuary career. That’s not to say that I’m definitely set on one career or another. I did, however, become sidetracked from taking the second actuarial exam in May. My next chance to take the exam, if I want to, is in November.

I feel uneasy about choosing (or even thinking about) a career that I’m ashamed to tell my friends about. I don’t necessarily need their approval, but I don’t want them to look down on me, either. I guess this is nothing new; my parents didn’t really like the fact that I stopped studying for the actuarial exams. Somehow it’s different (and even more difficult) when I think about letting my friends down.

It’s almost like coming out to them all over again.

Building My Resume

For some reason (which escapes me), I usually end up at Target on my days off. Now that I’ve made some friends at work, I often spend a few hours there just chatting with people while they work.

Today was no exception. I was actually just going to stop by Target before sitting down at a coffee shop to polish my resume, but then I got distracted and stayed for three hours (the curse of having lots of friends at work).

I heard from one of the ETLs today that there could be some positions for team leaders (the regular kind, not the executive kind) opening up toward the end of next month. She figures it would be a good opportunity for me to look into while I wait for the ETL position (whenever that will happen, if I even want it).

By the end of next month, I hope I will have applied to at least a few jobs and be continuing to look outside Target. On the other hand, one of my friends at Target (he’s a team leader) said that even if I don’t plan on staying with Target in the long run, a team leader position is still building my resume.

Leadership experience at any level is good on my resume, no matter what career I eventually choose. Maybe the team leader position is something to consider, even though it’s a far cry from where I really want to be (not that I know where that is anyway).


I’m so fickle. When I first started studying for the first actuarial exam, I got really interested in the actuary field. I studied really hard for a while, but after a few months, I started having my doubts. I questioned whether the actuary path was really what I wanted. I lost momentum when it came time to study for the second exam.

The same thing is happening again. Working at Target was so different from anything I had ever done before. It was refreshing. I jumped in and loved the whole experience. I saw the management path open up, and I convinced myself that I could be really good at it. Now, after a few months, the interest is starting to wane.

My store team leader (STL) told me today that he (finally) sent off my resume to the other STL. I’m supposed to expect a call either this week or next. But after waiting for so many weeks for something to happen, I’m not even sure if I want the position anymore. Don’t get me wrong; I still love my job. I just don’t know if I will love it if I stay a long time.

I really have to think long and hard about what I really want in life. I have to start applying for other jobs and stop waiting on a job that may not even be right for me.

No Do-Overs

I’m feeling much better today. Vitamin C and nine hours of sleep really help. I did my full eight-hour shift without feeling dizzy or sick at all. Everything went pretty smoothly all day, and I’m not even tired after work.

Meanwhile, things on the executive front are not progressing. I haven’t heard a word about my interviews or whether my store team leader (STL) has even sent my resume to the other STL yet or not.

As I wait (somewhat patiently) for the ETL path to open, I’m questioning whether I jumped into the retail/executive/management path too quickly. I wonder whether I’ve already stayed too long at Target as it is. This post from a couple months ago comes to mind.

Now that I’m out of school, I feel like every little thing I do is affecting my future (ha, as if school didn’t affect it). There’s no reset button, no do-overs. There’s only one take in the TV show that is my life. In every decision I make, I have to think about my life and where I want to be a few years from now.

After talking to my parents, they had different things to say. My dad thinks that if the ETL position works out, it can open up the management world for me. I can work at Target for a couple years, get an MBA, and move on to bigger and better things. Eventually, I could even make my pipe dream of hotel management a reality.

My mom, on the other hand, would prefer that I take an office job, or “a job where I sit,” as opposed to running around all day like I am now. She’s not as enthusiastic about me working for Target, especially since I put so much into my work and get little (money) in return. She worries that I’m going to lose too much weight and get an ulcer.

If the ETL/management path didn’t pan out, I still have time to study for the second actuarial exam. I could take the exam in November rather than May. Another option is to tutor full time. Tutoring sounds very appealing to me, since I would be managing my own hours and (theoretically) making a lot more money. However, being self-employed isn’t that different on a resume from being unemployed, unless I report to the government that I run a private tutoring business and pay taxes (which sucks).

A few years from now, I certainly don’t want to be living at home. I want to be financially able to cover my expenses and regularly put money away for savings. I don’t have to be rich by any means, but I would like the flexibility (with money and time) to visit old friends and/or travel to Europe. I would love regular hours and be able to leave my work at work.

Anyway, I think this post is losing its focus. I’m not sure if following a path (retail/management) that looks interesting and exciting now is something I’m going to regret somewhere down the line. Certainly retail/management will never give me regular hours. I can’t just think about what makes me happy now. I have to look ahead.