I hate going so many days without writing something. The last few days (weeks, maybe even months) have been so mundane, I feel like there isn’t anything about which to write.
My weekend was uneventful; I spent the weekend with my parents walking around the same mall we always do. On workdays (like today), I struggle out of bed and somehow make it through the day, always feeling half-conscious, waiting for the end of the day. When I’m at home, I have the urge to do something productive yet end up sitting in front of my computer wasting time, watching Scrubs on DVD, or playing games on my iPod touch.
I need to break out of my routine. Every week, I’m half-expecting to be laid off, but my company might never let me go (as long as the company still exists). I’m waiting for what may never come. I’m just biding my time, waiting for opportunity to find me, even though it never will.
I’m frustrated at myself. Even if I get laid off, then what? I’d probably end up sitting at home doing nothing, lamenting that I have no future and still not doing anything about it. I know I need to act. I know nothing will change unless I make it happen. So why can’t I do anything?