I’ve been going crazy the last couple days. Once I obsess about something (like, for example, worrying about my work crush), it takes hold of me and doesn’t let go until there’s a resolution. I was pensive and preoccupied all of yesterday, even while I was watching Watchmen with a few friends (which reminds me of when I was stressing out about my sales job while watching The Dark Knight). As a side comment: The more I think about Watchmen, the more I appreciate the story, but I don’t think I really understood the message while I was watching the movie.
Anyway. I didn’t find out about why my work crush had to miss dinner until halfway through today. My work crush’s cat, which technically still belongs to his ex-girlfriend, has been having health problems, so the ex-girlfriend dropped by to help take care of the cat. By the way, the cat is very cute and apparently only friendly to me. My work crush’s relationship with his ex-girlfriend is “complicated,” which I guess is the reason why her presence prevented him from going to a prearranged dinner with his friends. He wouldn’t give me more details about what makes the situation complicated, but just knowing what happened lets me relax quite a bit. My entire mood changed after I talked to him.
It’s amazing how emotionally tied I am to someone who can’t possibly care for me as much as I do for him (I’ve actually gotten this emotionally tied to every strong crush I’ve had). For example, I’m sure that he didn’t give me a second thought for the rest of the weekend after he hung up the phone with me on Saturday, whereas I was dwelling on him all weekend and drove the extra 35 mile roundtrip for the chance to see him and figure out why he bailed on us. And of course it was because of a girl, which isn’t good for my psyche either.
It’s frustrating. He’s a great friend to me. Whenever I have something to vent about, I go to him and he listens. We’ve had two-hour long conversations in the office parking lot at night before going home. And yet, I’ll never be the same kind of friend to him. Yeah, I’ve talked to him about some of his worries too (I did that tonight, actually), but it’s not the same. I never feel like I’ll ever be the good friend to him that I want to be.
I have it bad. I’m starting to sound irrational to myself. I thought I was better for a while, but I’m really crushing hard (that may already have been evidenced in my previous post). This isn’t good. I need to keep my distance again.