Different Extremes

My friend/boss and I have similar backgrounds. We’re both Chinese, we both struggled with Christianity in high school, and we’re both gay. And yet, our personalities are completely different.

When faced with the same obstacles (mostly stemming from being gay), we reacted differently. He became outspoken, confident, and self-assured. Instead of letting people make him feel bad or guilty about being gay, he grew strong and stopped caring what other people thought. He went out, met boys, and lived life. His confidence helps him excel in business.

I, on the other hand, became reserved, insecure, and self-conscious. I let the guilt of being gay consume me. I always felt distant and inferior to other people. Normal people. Even now, at work, I feel inferior to both clients and coworkers. I’m afraid to make phone calls to clients. I always read over my emails multiple times to make sure I don’t sound like an idiot, and even then I’m sure I still come across as one.

It’s interesting how different we are. Being gay shaped who we are, but we went to different extremes. His extreme was probably the better one. After all, he is the boss.


2 Responses to “Different Extremes”

  1. Lisa Says:

    Why are you so sure being gay had anything to do with it? Do you think, absent your homosexuality, you would be more confident? Do you this, absent his, he would be less self-assured?

  2. normalboy Says:

    Honestly, I don’t know. We had had a conversation about it, and he also thinks that being gay was a big factor in shaping his personality.

    Anyway. I am who I am, and these are just my thoughts. I don’t know for sure (one can never know for sure) whether being gay made me as self-conscious as I am, but this is just how I analyze myself.

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