Ashamed

It’s been a long time since I’ve updated my friends (especially those from graduate school) about what I’ve been doing since I last saw them in November. In particular, I haven’t been telling people that I work for peanuts at Target and that I haven’t studied for the actuarial exams since January.

As gung ho as I was about working for Target and looking into a management career, I feel like I’ve been hiding this career choice from my math friends. There are certain people who I feel would be disappointed in me that I’m not pursuing an actuary career. That’s not to say that I’m definitely set on one career or another. I did, however, become sidetracked from taking the second actuarial exam in May. My next chance to take the exam, if I want to, is in November.

I feel uneasy about choosing (or even thinking about) a career that I’m ashamed to tell my friends about. I don’t necessarily need their approval, but I don’t want them to look down on me, either. I guess this is nothing new; my parents didn’t really like the fact that I stopped studying for the actuarial exams. Somehow it’s different (and even more difficult) when I think about letting my friends down.

It’s almost like coming out to them all over again.

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