I hung out with a friend from college today. We went shopping for video games, played multiplayer games wirelessly on Nintendo DS, and went out to dinner. It was really relaxed, light, and fun. Good times.
This friend of mine is a Christian, very firm in his beliefs. I was a Christian when I met him, and we became good friends through religion and video games. It hit him hard when I came out to him. He still believes that homosexuality is a sin, but he didn’t want to lose our friendship over it.
I didn’t want to lose his friendship either. So even though he knows I’m gay, I don’t talk about boys or dating with him very much (usually only vaguely and briefly). We’re still close in other ways.
All these thoughts about religion and homosexuality got me thinking. I don’t have much experience with dating and relationships, and I’ve basically lost all hope that I ever will find a boy who will love me. I’m starting to be okay with that. So here’s my question. If I never actually find someone to love and “be gay with,” then how different am I from a straight guy who never finds love? In particular, does the church frown upon a celibate (not by choice) gay boy?
I know some Christians denounce impure thoughts as sin too. But honestly, I don’t have that many of those. My fantasies are about holding hands and hugging (usually with clothes on). Is that still a sin? Is just being gay enough to send me to hell?
When I was a Christian, I felt really guilty all the time. When I was alone, I used to cry because I was gay. I prayed that I would be normal. I thought about hell and homosexuality pretty often. But now, this whole discussion doesn’t really bother me anymore. I’m just curious.