The Price

Ever since I passed the first actuarial exam, I feel like I haven’t moved forward with any of my plans. I got a job at Target right away, and now I’m busy and tired all the time. Though I’m having fun at Target, other aspects of my life have come to a halt. I barely even have time to check my email and update this blog.

I already have all the study materials I need for the next actuarial exam. I had hoped to study on my time off from working at Target, but I’m so exhausted when I finish my shifts that I don’t want to do anything but relax. If my tiredness continues throughout the next few months, my chances of passing (or even taking) the next exam will be slim.

Romance has also been put on hold. I’m pretty sure my online dating guy isn’t interested in me, but we still email back and forth. Unfortunately, I’ve been so busy that I haven’t emailed him back in almost a week (which is a long time for us). Emailing with my online dating guy is basically my only interaction with any gay boys right now. I don’t have enough time or energy to find a boy. I feel like I’m not a very good gay.

An added problem at the moment is that my family’s annual Christmas party is only a few days away (my family celebrates on Christmas Eve). A lot of my relatives are expected to come, so I’m supposed to help clean the house and make it look presentable. Since my brother can’t lift heavy objects, I have to do the physical work, even after working all day.

As I’ve mentioned multiple times, I love working at Target. I always feel like I’m doing good work, and I love helping the guests find what they’re looking for. Sometimes life outside Target is so stressful that I’d prefer to be working over having a day off. But I can’t escape life forever. The price is too high.


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