Work was fairly uneventful. My work friend has Tuesdays off. While I did think about him a little bit, my heart didn’t have that sinking feeling I usually get when I miss a crush. That’s a good sign; I really don’t want a crush on my work friend. I’ve had crushes on many straight boys in the past. While some crushes ended up being very good friends, most of them only caused me pain.
All the crushes start the same. I become obsessed with the boy, trying to find every opportunity to be around him. I think everything he does is fantastic, every annoying habit is cute, and every moment I have with him is precious. It’s euphoric when I’m around him and it’s painful when I’m not.
Then, after the crush becomes really bad, it also becomes painful to be around him too. “Loving” someone so much and knowing that he will never reciprocate any feelings is excruciating. But even knowing that in my head, I still feel the urge to be around him, regardless of the pain I feel in my heart. Just being around him is worth all the pain.
My crushes sound a lot like love, but it’s not, even when I like to think it is. Love should not be masochistic (unless you and your partner are into that), and love should never be one-sided (no matter how masochistic you are).