Text Dating

Last week, only an hour before my date with the second online guy, the first online guy text messaged me. It was Wednesday, and not a single day had gone by since the previous Friday without either a phone call or text message from him. I was starting to get annoyed. At first he asked how I was doing, but then he asked what I was doing for the evening, which I felt was getting creepy. Does he need to know what I’m doing all the time?

I politely responded to his messages. I was generally curt and didn’t really ask him questions, but he kept text messaging back. Eventually, he asked if we could “talk for a bit.” I thought that maybe he sensed my apathy and wanted to see what I was feeling, so I called him. No, I was wrong. He really just wanted to talk. About nothing. For forty minutes. I really didn’t care what he had for dinner, and I found it a little creepy that he asked what I had. He was asking almost as if we were officially dating (going steady). I don’t even talk to my best friends every day!

About 15-20 minutes before my date with the second online guy, I abruptly cut off my phone call (if I hadn’t, I’m sure he would have rambled on for hours). I must have been too nice to let him continue to talk to me for so long, because I was really not in the mood to talk to him. I guess I’m just not good at telling him what I really think.

The next day (Thursday), he text messaged me again, this time during lunch. He said he was at Third Street (Promenade) eating lunch. He asked how I was doing and hoped that I was having a good day. By this point, I decided I definitely did not want to get to know him any better, let alone have a second date. His “no pressure” approach certainly felt like a lot of pressure.

I initially replied to his text messages in a timely manner to be polite, but I eventually let this last text message go unreplied. My work bestie told me that replying quickly only shows that I’m also interested, so if I take a long time to respond (or don’t respond at all), then he would get the hint. Of course, she was right; he got the hint. I haven’t heard from him since that message. I felt bad at first for ignoring him like that, but I didn’t feel as bad as I should have had I really cared that much (that sounds like a confusing sentence, but it makes sense in my head).

Anyway, as the previous post indicated, the date with the second online guy went well. I deliberately refrained from any communication with him since our date. My plan was to wait a week and then invite him to see a movie or something, continuing to keep the date/friend situation vague. I was pleasantly surprised today (less than a week) when he text messaged me and asked how my weekend went. I’m glad he waited until after the weekend to contact me; it tells me that he’s not overly eager but he’d still like to hang out.

After a few text messages back and forth, I asked him if he wanted to see a movie later in the week. He said yes! We’re set to see Julie & Julia on Thursday night!

It’s funny. Last week, whenever my phone alerted me of a text message, I feared that it was another message from the first online guy. Today, I anxiously awaited replies from the second online guy (it didn’t help that I was getting messages from other friends interspersed throughout our texting conversation). I think it’s pretty clear which guy I like better.

Second Online Guy

My date with the second online guy was good! We met up at the cafe inside a local bookstore around 8:15pm (this was two evenings ago). Since my date had come straight from work, I figured he hadn’t eaten dinner yet, so we went to California Pizza Kitchen instead of having coffee. Both of my dates this week were supposed to be coffee dates but turned into dinner dates!

While we were waiting to be seated for dinner, there was a woman with a stroller trying to leave the restaurant and was struggling to open the door. My date jumped up in the middle of our conversation and held the door open for her. After she left, he sat back down and continued talking as if nothing had happened. What a nice guy!

We had a nice dinner with good conversation, but it felt more like dinner with a friend than a romantic date. It’s possible that our meeting wasn’t meant to be romantic at all; the wording in our emails is vague. We shook hands at the end of the night (no hug). This situation is completely fine with me, though. He seems like a really nice person, so I can definitely see being friends with him.

There’s actually a new/recent movie that we both want to see. I’m considering inviting him to see it with me sometime next week. Turning my date into a friend would be a great outcome of this online dating thing!

One last thing: he paid for dinner! I didn’t pay on either date this week!

First Online Guy

I was barely at work for an hour yesterday and my boss had managed to stress me out. It’s gotten to the point where she only has to instant message me with a simple sentence and I will feel terrible for the whole day. That coupled with freaking out about my date made for a very painful day. I almost thought of cancelling my date for fear that I wouldn’t be in the mood to meet someone for the first time. Luckily, I didn’t feel nearly as stressed after I got off work.

I met my date (the first online guy in the previous post) at Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica. I initially asked him to coffee/tea (easier to escape if the date went badly), but it was only about 6:45pm when we met, so we ended up eating dinner together. We had Fatburger. I had never been to Fatburger before; it was really good, even though it’s clearly not a date place. We ate outside and watched the passersby (Have you ever noticed how strange the pluralization of passerby is? Weird!). Oh, and if you’re wondering, he paid for dinner!

After walking along Third Street for a while (stopping to check out the various street performers), we headed down to Santa Monica Pier. It was around sunset, so the view of the ocean was just beautiful. We ended up sitting on a bench at the end of the pier overlooking both the ocean and the city. At the end of the night (around 10pm), he walked me to my car (all the parking lots down there look the same, so I easily could have gotten lost if I was by myself) and gave me a hug before we parted ways.

The date went very well. Santa Monica is a great place for a first date (or any date for that matter). Even still, I don’t know if I like the guy in the dating sense. I think we could be friends, but I don’t currently feel like we could be more.

He, however, seems to like me a lot. As I was driving home last night, he texted me asking for me to text him when I got home safely (I live farther from Santa Monica than he does). Then today, around lunchtime, he texted me asking how my day was going and what I had eaten for lunch (creepy). After a few replies back and forth, he asked me if I was doing something on Saturday. I told him I was busy (I really might be!), and he sent this: “I had a good time yesterday and would like to see you again. When is a good day/time?”

If I felt the same way he does, then maybe I wouldn’t mind setting up a second date so soon after the first date, but this was a little (way way way) too fast for me. I was freaking out. I didn’t want to set up definite plans so quickly, but I didn’t want to be mean and shoot him down either. I don’t want to be a heartbreaker!

I’m not sure which is worse: being heartbroken or being the heartbreaker. I’ve felt sort of like a heartbreaker before (a totally different story for perhaps another time), and I possibly felt worse than being rejected by someone I liked. I don’t know if I can handle this whole dating thing.

I called both my sister (I love that I can call her about this!) and my work bestie and asked them what to do. They both agreed that I was probably reading too much into it. A second date isn’t a commitment, only another chance to get to know someone better.

The guy sensed my hesitation from the fact that I didn’t text back right away, so he texted me again with: “If you don’t want to it’s cool. Just tell me.” I felt bad, and I didn’t necessarily want to burn the bridge right away. I told him it would be nice to hang out again but that next week is better and I would let him know then. He replied: “Sure. No worries. I am a very no pressure sort of guy. Just want to make sure you are comfortable. That is all.”

Obviously, he’s a really nice guy. Who knows, maybe I’m only hesitating because I’ve never been on a second date before. Everything seems to be moving very quickly, but I really don’t want to rush into anything (I fear change). I still have a date with the second online guy tomorrow night!

Online Dating

A few days before her last day at work (this was about a week and a half ago), my work bestie created a profile for me on a free online dating website. I had tried online dating before with not much luck, but I decided not to delete the profile since my work bestie really wanted me to use it. Before I knew it, I was emailing back and forth with two guys. By the end of the week, one of them asked for my number and the other gave me his!

The first online guy text messaged me on Friday afternoon (while I was still at work) asking if I had time to talk. I called him back as I left work, and we were on the phone for over an hour. We talked about a whole range of topics, including ex-boyfriends (his, since I don’t have any), driving (he, like me, was also scared of driving for a long time), marriage (he doesn’t want to get married, I haven’t decided), children (he wants a child in the very near future, I’m undecided on when), and our life goals (he has very defined goals, whereas I don’t). It was a very loaded first phone call.

Honestly, I’m not a big phone person; I’d rather just meet and talk in person. He’s out of town this weekend, so we made tentative plans to meet early next week. But he called me up again last night, as he was on his way to hang out with some friends. I was on the phone with him for another forty minutes while he was driving. Did I mention I’m not a big phone person? Anyway, after the two phone calls, I already have my hesitations about this guy (but his profile picture is pretty cute, and talking to him via email was very easy and natural), so we’ll see what happens when we actually meet.

The second online guy text messaged me yesterday (Saturday) afternoon. I asked him to a coffee date sometime this week; we’ll probably meet Wednesday night (I’m actually texting with him as I’m writing this). We haven’t talked on the phone yet (might be a good thing), but from what I can tell, he seems like a really nice guy. Also, my work bestie thinks he’s cuter than the first guy (at this point I’m undecided).

As I had mentioned a long time ago, I honestly gave up on finding love. I don’t know if online dating will give me hope or reinforce my bachelorhood, but I’m really nervous!

The Problem With Nice Guys

I was talking to a friend online last night. Like me, he is starting to try out online dating. He’s finding it hard to meet girls the old fashioned way. My friend is a really nice guy, but that’s actually his main problem in finding a girlfriend. He always turns into the “nice guy friend.” This brings up a question I’ve always wondered about. How does a nice guy friend make the leap to boyfriend material?

The benefit of online dating is that the intentions are known from the beginning; both sides are looking for someone to date. True, one could still fall into the “friend” trap, but there is always that initial consideration as a potential dating partner.

I think the hardest situation is when you’re interested in a friend, especially a good friend. If you meet someone randomly at a social event or something, it’s pretty difficult to make intentions clear, but at least you’re not in the “friend” category just yet. If you’re already in the “friend” zone, it seems almost impossible to break out of it and start a relationship. I know that it happens; I have friends who got together after being friends first. But how do they do it? What’s the secret?

In Transition

I’m becoming increasingly frustrated by the fact that my life is on hold because of the actuarial exam. I spend my days at Starbucks studying, and then I go to the gym. That basically describes my week.

There are so many other things I would like to be doing. I would love to hang out with my friends more often. My friends are such a big part of my life, and yet I rarely see them now because I’m trying not to take time away from studying. I only have three posts on this blog in the “Friends” category so far. The importance of my friends is very underrepresented, and the reason is because I just haven’t seen much of them these last few months.

I would also love to practice driving more. Online dating guy thinks it’s pretty strange that I’m 25 years old and I don’t drive on the freeway (I think he might even be losing interest because of it…). Living in cities for college and graduate school where I didn’t need a car, I put off practicing driving. Now that I’m back home, I should be driving a lot more and getting used to LA traffic. But no, I drive to a Starbucks that’s ten minutes away from my house to study, and then I drive down the street from there to go to the gym. Because of my exam, I have no real reason or opportunity to drive further and push myself to practice.

Today I went with my parents to visit my grandfather (who lives with my uncle and his family). My grandfather had relatives visiting him from Shanghai. They are my grandfather’s cousin’s children (their father is my grandfather’s brother’s son). I don’t know what they’re called. Second cousins? I certainly don’t know what to call the relation they are to me. Anyway. I drove the 60 miles to his house, which includes driving on multiple freeways. It’s good practice, but my parents were in the car helping me. I have yet to drive on the freeway by myself. But the only opportunities I have to drive long distances on the freeway are with my parents, and even those are few and far between.

What else? I’d like to find a choir. I miss singing and I miss the social interaction with other singers. I’d like to go shopping and maybe have the occasional day of splurging. There are a lot of things on my wish list, including a fantastic cashmere hoodie I saw at Bloomingdale’s. It’s $250. Besides the tuxedo I bought for my choir in college, it’s probably the most expensive piece of clothing I’ve ever wanted. I can’t even consider buying such a thing until I get a job.

I’m getting so antsy. I want a job! I want to make money and start living on my own again. I like living with my parents for a little while, but I think living at home too long is stifling. I need my independence back. This transition period has gone on far too long already.

Halloween Stress

My studying isn’t going very well. I can’t seem to do a lot of the practice exam questions. Some are more complicated than I think, but others are easier than I think. I’m really worried that I won’t be ready for the exam, which makes me overthink the questions even more.

The gym was good though. I went back to my regular routine. Today was the first time I went back into the steam room since my wisdom teeth extraction (I can’t believe I’m still talking about that). I didn’t want to attempt the steam room on Monday since I was too tired, so it was nice to go back today. It was nice to sweat out some of the stress from studying.

In other news, my online dating guy and I had tentatively set our first meeting/date to be Friday, but he had to reschedule. We’re still going to meet, but I don’t know when yet. I’ve been trying not to get my hopes up over this date/meeting. All weekend I was thinking about the meeting/date and worrying about whether to tell my parents about it or not. But eventually, I calmed down and decided to keep things quiet until I know for sure if there’s more to this online dating guy than just a first date/meeting. There’s no reason to cause a ruckus over a first date, especially with someone I’ve never met.

My parents are pretty funny. They make a point not to do anything for Halloween. They make sure not to turn on the porch light and try not to have any lights visible from the front of the house so the trick or treaters won’t know anyone is home. I think my dad finds trick or treaters annoying. I don’t do anything for Halloween either, but I still find it amusing that my parents would go out of their way not to celebrate Halloween.

Bad Timing

The way things are going, my first date/meeting with my online dating guy is less than a week away. The closer I get to meeting my online dating guy, the more I think about how I’m going to explain the situation to my parents. Should I hide the fact that I’m going to go on a date with a boy, or should I tell them the truth?

The other problem is that I only have a little more than a month (including a ten day trip/vacation) until my actuarial exam, so it’s hard to justify any kind of distraction from studying. I was trying to study today, but I couldn’t concentrate. My excitement for my date is coupled with the stress of coming out, and that combination is very distracting.

My dad tells me (often) how worried he is about my exam. I took most of this last week off to recover from my wisdom teeth extraction, so I really should be spending every extra minute studying. I’m already freaking out about the exam; my dad just adds to the pressure.

This time before my exam is crucial. I shouldn’t be thinking about boys (one particular boy). And yet, I can’t help what I feel.

Sooner Or Later

My online dating guy wants to meet. I’ve never had a date while I was living at home before (the stranger from the mall excluded), so explaining a boy at my front door who my parents have never heard of has never been an issue. My parents not believing that I’m gay has been fairly easy on all of us because of my lack of dating and relationships. As long as I’m single with no prospects, I can still be “straight.” But what if my online dating guy ends up becoming more serious? The charade can’t last forever.

My coming out to them (properly) seems pretty inevitable. I want to have a decent job and be living at my own place when I come out to them, but I may not get what I want. If things go well with this online dating guy (hypothetically of course), I might have to come out much sooner than I was expecting. Scary on so many levels.

My parents only want me to be happy, right? I wonder if that’s enough to overcome family pride.

You’d think my parents would know by now. I used to help my grandmother pick out clothes when I was two years old, and my mom still asks me for fashion advice. Now that I’m also interested in cosmetology, my mom also asks me for skincare advice. That’s pretty gay.

Online Monogamy

I recently starting using a popular online dating site. There’s a match with whom I’ve been emailing back and forth the last few days. He seems like a nice guy, and he seems to like me (he puts smiley faces in his emails).

I really don’t understand this dating thing very well. Right now, we still only talk about basic things like what we do and what we like. We haven’t started talking about more “important” topics, not that I even know what those topics should be or when to bring them up. I don’t want to be too forward, but I also don’t want the guy to be bored with me too soon either. I’m always afraid I could say something that will be a deal breaker right away, like maybe the fact that my  parents haven’t really reconciled the fact that I’m gay. I’m pretty sure that’ll be a big issue someday.

There’s another question (or maybe many related questions) I have about online dating. What happens if you end up with more than one match? Do you have email correspondence with all of them, or just one? When is it casual dating and when is it more serious? Where does monogamy come in?

Fortunately, I don’t have to deal with that problem yet. There was a different guy with whom I was emailing a month ago, but he never returned my second email, so that went nowhere. Who knows. Maybe the universe only allows me one online guy at a time. Considering my past experience, that’s already more than generous. I’d never have to worry about monogamy then.