Blog Turns Two

Today is the two-year anniversary of this blog! Since I’m big on birthdays, anniversaries, and other special dates, I like to use this day to reflect on the landmarks from the last year. My list from one year ago can be found here.

Landmarks, big and small (and huge):

I reconnected with my best friend from elementary school after nearly fifteen years.
I came out to my best friend from elementary school.
I came out to my sister.
I tried to come out to my dad, but it didn’t take.
I can no longer legally marry a boy (in California).
I went on dates (with boys!).
I started going on nightly walks with my parents.
I got a Starbucks Gold card.
I got an iPod touch (best purchase ever).
I got a Twitter account.
I went on my first out-of-town business trip.
I drove a big van (still four-wheeled) for the first time.
I made three-hour long drives by myself.
I transitioned into the accounting department at my company.
I went from being friends to strangers with my boss.
I quit my job.
I went back to school to study statistics.
One of my best friends from college lost his mom.

I feel like I’m leaving some key events out, but I can’t dwell on that right now. I have homework to do!

One Year Ago

I started this blog one year ago today. Before I decided on WordPress and on a username (it took longer than you’d think), I was very skeptical that I would even be able to keep up a blog for this long. While I don’t update nearly as often as I used to, I’m glad I’ve still been able to post somewhat regularly.

Even though I feel like I haven’t really moved forward, a lot has happened in the last year. Some landmarks, big and small:

I got my wisdom teeth pulled.
I received my master’s degree.
I passed the first actuarial exam.
I got my first job.
I got my second job.
I lost a net of 25 pounds (I lost 30 and gained 5 back).
I started driving on the freeway.
I made the leap to HDTV and Blu-ray.
I got a new laptop after my old one gave out.
I got a new digital camera.
I made my first trip to West Hollywood.
I had (at least) three straight crushes.
I attended my first bachelor party (and subsequently went to my first strip club).
I can now legally marry a boy.

I wonder what landmarks I will list one year from today?

Thanks to everyone who reads this blog, whether intentional or accidental. I hope to still be updating this blog for years to come.

More Of A Chore Than A Hobby

I really hoped this day would never come, but I’ve decided to stop trying to update every day. I feel like the quality of my posts has been going down, and many of my posts are starting to sound the same.

My biggest reason for this change is that I can’t keep up the one-a-day rate anymore. At least, not right now. The combination of work being incredibly tiring and not having a free private moment to sit in front of the computer to write makes this blog more of a chore than a hobby. I wanted to make a change before the burden became so big that I stopped writing altogether.

I haven’t worked out my new blogging schedule yet. I would still like to update semi-regularly, if not regularly, but I have to see how I can motivate myself to do it. Hopefully you’ll hear from me again very soon!

Lacking Privacy

I’ve never really cared that much about having privacy. When I shared an apartment in college, my room was the dining room/breakfast nook that you entered as you walked in the front door; I shared a wall with the kitchen. My roommates would basically be in my room if they wanted to come in, leave, or get a bite to eat.

Maybe it was different because I was living with my friends, but I really didn’t care at all that I had zero privacy. From there, I went on to graduate school, where I had my own apartment and all the privacy I could hope for. After I graduated and moved back home, I lost all my privacy again, but this time I do care.

Even though I don’t ever go out without telling my parents what I’m doing, they mostly do their own thing and I do my thing. That usually gives me time to sit in front of my computer and try to think of a good topic for this blog.

Now that my brother is home for the summer, though, I really don’t have any time to myself. I work all day, and then at night my brother wants to make the most out of every waking minute. While I do like watching multiple episodes of Scrubs every night, I don’t get a chance to do what I want until I’m about ready to fall asleep on the couch.

I guess what bothers me most is that I don’t have the time or privacy to write for this blog until I’m too tired to write. I love that my brother is home, but at some point, I just want to be alone.

Tired By 8:30pm

Once again, this blog is becoming difficult to maintain, at least at a rate of one post a day. It’s not because I don’t have things to say, but I’m just so tired after work now. I’m not used to the schedule yet, and I have no energy left at the end of the day to update properly. I get tired around 8:30pm. Where did my youthful energy go?

My brother comes back tomorrow from his first year at medical school. His distraction will also make it more difficult to update. We’ll see what happens.

Blogging Momentum

Writing this blog at the end of the night is pretty difficult. I’m trying to keep it up so that I can continue my once-a-day momentum, but I really don’t know what to write anymore. I will usually come up with something to write about during the day, but I don’t have the words or the energy by the time I sit down to write a post.

I definitely don’t want to announce a hiatus or change my routine to every other day or something. I know myself, and there’s no way I would stay consistent with anything other than updating every day. Though to be honest, I never thought I would be able to keep up the momentum for as long as I already have.

Anyway. I guess I’m just complaining. Hopefully I’ll have more to say tomorrow.

Not A Sony

This blog is becoming increasingly hard to keep up, at least for now. Without my own computer, I don’t have the time or privacy to post anything until my parents go to sleep. Usually by that time, I’m tired and don’t feel like writing or thinking very much. Today’s post will be short because of this.

Doing some shopping today, I found a laptop that seems to be pretty good for my needs at an affordable price. I don’t remember the model number at the moment, but the laptop I found is made by HP (Hewlett-Packard).

The bad news is that it’s not as cute or as small as my previous laptop. Worst of all, it’s not a Sony (gasp!). I still have a strong urge to buy a Sony, but affordability is a huge factor right now. I sort of wish my brand loyalty was with a less expensive brand.

Computerless

Now that my laptop is out of commission, I’m using my dad’s computer to write posts. My dad’s computer is in the living room, so my parents could walk around and see what I’m typing at any time. That bugs me quite a bit, especially when I’m updating this blog. I really don’t like not having my own computer.

The current plan of action is to buy a new hard drive and install it into my old laptop. It would be nice to get a completely new laptop, but I don’t have that kind of money (especially for a Sony, which, of course, is the only brand of laptop I can buy). After all, I work part-time at Target.

I won’t be receiving my new hard drive for a few days (probably not until the end of the week). Hopefully I’ll still be able to update this blog regularly.

Joanie Dodds Is My Top Model

I know I’ve mentioned this before, but I really don’t think I’m going to be able to post something every day. My mind just blanks out whenever I try to write anything. Luckily, complaining about how hard it is to post every day counts as a post.

My mini coffee maker is fantastic. It’s so easy to set up, even easier to clean, and it’s the cutest little appliance I’ve ever owned. I haven’t used the programming feature too much, but I’m sure it will be essential when/if I get a job and start waking up earlier. I’ve seen coffee makers that are $300, and mine was less than $20! I love having two mugs of coffee in the morning.

In other news, I spent forty minutes on the elliptical trainer at the gym today. I’m usually on the elliptical trainer for twenty, occasionally thirty minutes. I did extra today partly because I didn’t go to the gym yesterday but mostly because America’s Next Top Model was on the TV in front of my machine. It was a rerun from Cycle 6, which is the only cycle I really followed (so clearly I had to watch it again). It was the episode where Joanie takes the best picture and Jade is stupid and annoying to everyone. Oh wait, that’s every episode! Really though, it was “The Girl Who Kissed A Male Model,” if you’re actually interested.

Clearly my watching Top Model paid off, because after my workout I weighed the lightest I’ve been since I moved back home after graduate school! I’m still a few pounds over my target weight, but it’s still a good accomplishment. Maybe I should start scheduling my workouts around ANTM.

Yay Joanie!

Acting Gay

I don’t think blogging was meant to be done every day. That’s probably why most other blogs on the web are far more interesting than mine. I’m trying to post something every day, hopefully either interesting or meaningful, or both. It keeps me motivated to keep up with the site, helps me vent thoughts and feelings, and lets me practice my writing skills.

Despite all the reasons to post daily, it’s hard to come up with interesting things about which to write, since I’m not doing anything fun or exciting these days. I spend my days at Starbucks studying, and then I sometimes go to the gym. I guess exercising is the most fun I have.

I’ve been to the gym three times this week, which is my general goal for the average week. Because I’m trying to lose some weight (or at least my belly fat), I’m shooting for four times a week until I’m “satisfied” with how my body/abs look. I wonder if that stereotype of gay guys being perfectly trim and health conscious is making me work just that much harder.

That thought brings up an interesting subject. I sometimes feel like I don’t know how to “be” or “act” gay because I’ve had so few gay people in my life. It’s like I’m somehow less gay because I’ve been influenced by so many straight people. Whenever I’m put in a position where I’m around gay boys, I definitely feel uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do. Am I supposed to do or say something that will make it known to them that I’m also gay? Is there a secret handshake or password I don’t know about? Maybe I’m missing some secret club meetings?

My (homophobic) aunt once told a story to my parents and me about this guy she knew who turned out to be gay. She said that all of a sudden he had limp wrists (she made gestures) and was talking with a lisp. I don’t know if she was exaggerating or not. As for me, I’m pretty sure I didn’t start showing “gay characteristics” once I started coming out.

It’s hard to say though whether I’ve become “more gay” over the last six and a half years. Sometimes if I’m out shopping, or I just finished watching an episode of Ugly Betty (best show ever), I “feel” a little more gay or I can feel myself talking faster and saying “fabulous” more often. Does that mean acting gay really is just acting?

When I’m with my friends, I tend to speak more freely than when I’m with my parents, but I guess that’s understandable for anyone. I feel like I’m suppressing “gayness” when I talk to my family, even if I’m not thinking about it. I try not to talk about relationships, marriage, or having children around my parents. Even talking about my friends’ relationships can feel awkward, even though I only talk about straight relationships, because in the back of my mind (and my parents’ minds too I gather) there’s the question of my (lack of) relationships.

Funny how these posts never turn out the way I think they will when I start them. And as a complete side note, my blog hits have increased quite a bit, mostly because of last week’s post about swimming. Apparently I’m not the only one who likes swimmers’ bodies…