Caught In The Middle

My sister’s wedding is less than a month away. She sent out her invitations a few weeks ago. Because our grandfather lives with our uncle, she sent one invitation to our uncle and included our grandfather in the invitation. We have two aunts in Taiwan who already told my sister months ago that they will not be able to attend the wedding, so my sister didn’t send them invitations. Our grandfather will also be in Taiwan during the wedding, so he will not be attending either.

A few days ago, my mom got word (from our other aunt, I think) that our two aunts and our grandfather didn’t get invitations, so she called my sister to tell her to send invitations to them. For some reason (maybe a traditional Chinese culture thing), my grandfather is expected to have a separate invitation, and our two aunts are supposed to  receive invitations because they’re family.

Because wedding invitations are expensive, my sister didn’t order any extras. In order to send the additional invitations, she had to ask some of her close friends to give back their invitations and explain why. I don’t think my mom understands the huge hassle it is to send these invitations (even when they will definitely be declining).

If it was just a matter of family respect, then it’s almost understandable why they need to have invitations. It’s a hassle, but we all have family obligations. But there’s more to the story.

My sister’s dad is my mom’s first husband (so technically, my sister is my half-sister). My sister’s dad’s family hurt my grandfather’s pride many years ago (the story is far too long to discuss here), so our grandfather refuses to attend the wedding because my sister’s dad will be there.

Apparently, when my mom told my sister to send the additional invitations, she repeated that “your dad hurt your grandfather very badly” (in Chinese) at least ten times. It also seems like our two aunts in Taiwan are not attending for the same reason. If they can’t attend my sister’s wedding, that’s fine, but does she need to know that they’re not attending because of her dad?

My sister has been dwelling on her conversation with my mom for days. She told me this whole story online last night and said she couldn’t stop crying, so I called her to try and comfort her (not that there’s much I can do).

She feels bad for what happened, but she can’t change the past. She feels like she’s forever being punished for events that happened over thirty-five years ago that have nothing to do with her. Obviously, none of what happened is her fault; she’s just unfortunately caught in the middle.

She can’t understand why our grandfather and our aunts can’t put the past behind them to attend her wedding. After all, the wedding has nothing to do with her dad. The wedding is about her and her fiance. It’s a once in a lifetime event. My sister is the first grandchild and the first to get married, but she feels like she’s not worth making the sacrifice for. She made a very valid comparison: If she were to pass away (which won’t be for a long time, knock on wood), would they even attend her funeral if her dad is there?

She’s afraid that she’ll be thinking about all this during her wedding, which should be one of the happiest days of her life. Whenever she talks like this (which happens every so often after she talks to my mom), it breaks my heart. There’s nothing I can do. I can’t change the past either. Our family can’t let go of what happened, and the only person who suffers from the whole thing is her.

Go-To Guy

I’m getting to know some of the students in my classes. Word seems to have spread that I know what I’m doing (I stay up to date on the course material and try to do my homework well in advance), because many of my classmates have been asking me for help whenever they have questions. I’ve become the go-to guy for verifying answers and helping to solve homework problems (I’ve usually solved them on my own already).

One of my classes involves group work, so our class was split into groups of three. We sit with our group members during lectures and do in-class exercises together. A couple days ago, we were working in our groups, and four people from separate groups asked me questions to see how I was doing the exercise. They have their own groups with whom to compare answers, yet they all came to me. It’s amusing.

There are a few classmates who are in two of my classes who ask me for help in both. One classmate in particular initially asked to “work on homework together,” but because I do my homework early, I ended up just tutoring her. I feel like a TA for my own classes!

I used to be the go-to guy at my old work and at Target too. I think there’s a trend here…

Bridal Shower

My sister’s bridal shower is today. I had previously mentioned to my sister that I thought it would be fun to go (I like participating in anything involved with my sister’s wedding), so she invited me, even though bridal showers are supposed to be “girls only.” She said I could be her photographer (to make it less awkward to be the only guy, though that doesn’t bother me).

Unfortunately, I can’t make it to her bridal shower. I’m beyond busy this weekend. I have two midterms next week (one Monday and one Thursday), and I have two homework assignments both due on Wednesday (they’re usually due on Fridays). The bridal shower would take all day (I’d have to drive two hours each way), and I just can’t afford the time.

My sister doesn’t mind; she understands that I’m really busy. I shouldn’t even be there anyway. But my sister texted me last night to tell me that my younger (male) cousin will be attending the shower instead and will be acting as the photographer. My cousin is in college and has midterms next week too, but he lives closer to my sister. It’s not as much of a time commitment for him to attend.

Even though I can’t make it, and my cousin is a much better photographer than me, I can’t help but feel (more than) a bit jealous. This is just another sacrifice I have to make to do well in school. I was supposed to visit my best friend from elementary school last weekend for Oktoberfest, but I couldn’t make that either.

Sigh.

Studious

School is consuming all of my time and energy. On weekdays, I carpool with my parents, so I get dropped off on campus at around 9am. After my classes are done for the day, I spend a few hours in the library until my parents pick me up around 6pm. When I get home, I continue to study and do homework until around 12 or 1am. Lather, rinse, and repeat.

My weekends are also filled with studying (though I do take a little time off every now and then). Even though my homework assignments are due on Fridays, I like to get a jump start on the next week’s assignments over the weekend so I don’t fall behind.

I was a pretty good student when I went to college the first time, but I don’t think I was this studious before. My outlook on life is different now, and my motivation has changed. I’ve been out in the “real world,” so I understand what’s at stake. I’m not in school just to get good grades or get a degree (I’m not getting one right now anyway); I’m in school to learn the material so I can use it in the future.

It helps that my statistics classes are specifically designed to be applied in the practical world. My professors often express how important and universal statistics is, and we often analyze real data that my professors have used in their work. I don’t know how much the other students appreciate this, but the connections to real life fascinate me, and I stay motivated to learn more.

I think this all means I grew up a lot over the last couple years and I didn’t even realize it. Being lost wasn’t a total loss.

0.2 Points

I got my first homework back from one of my classes today. I work very hard on making my homework neat, organized, and correct, so I always expect to see 100% when I get homework back. Needless to say I was surprised to see a 98% on the top of my work. I got a 9.8 out of 10 possible points.

I’m a huge perfectionist. Most people would probably be ecstatic with a 98%, but I was bothered by the missing 2%. Apparently my answer on one question deviated slightly from the answer key (I think my notation is a little more mathematically formal than that of most statisticians), so I lost 0.2 points.

I couldn’t figure out why I was marked wrong, so I approached my professor right away and asked her. She agreed that my answer was correct (though written a little differently from her key), so she changed my grade to 10 out of 10!

It seems almost ridiculous that I would fight to get 0.2 points back on my homework, but I deserved them! Every fraction of a point counts!

First Week Of School

My first full week back in school was busy but good. I’m constantly stressed, but I didn’t feel as overwhelmed as I did on the first day. My classes are quite demanding; I have to study every day just to keep up. I don’t know how I used to have so much free time when I went to college the first time. I used to watch TV, hang out with friends, and go shopping while still managing to get good grades.

The biggest headache last week, though, was getting access to the course websites I need. All the lecture notes, homework, and annoucements are posted on the websites, but they are protected and can only be accessed by students enrolled in the courses. The processing time for my enrollment in my classes took almost the whole week. Because I’m a concurrent enrollment student, I’m not considered a “unversity student,” so until I was officially on their roster, my professors treated me like I wasn’t supposed to be in their classes. Even the advisor in the statistics department called me an “outsider.” Ouch. Fortunately, everything finally worked out by the end of the week, so I don’t need to waste time worrying about missing important information anymore.

In other news, I went in for my last (half) day at work on Tuesday. I spent most of that morning teaching my fellow accounting person a few procedures that only I knew how to do. My old boss barely spoke to me; she was more like her usual self, which was disappointing after the friendly reaction she gave me when I initially told her I was leaving.

I went to lunch with my old boss/friend, my big sister from work, and another coworker who I usually went to lunch with (after my work bestie left). I hadn’t gone to lunch with my old boss/friend in many months, so it was great that we could share one last lunch together. My friend/boss was excited for me; he hopes that I’ll find a nice college boy!

The lunch was bittersweet, but it was a nice end to my time with the company. I said a quick goodbye to my old work crush (nothing dramatic), and I was off to school for an afternoon discussion section. And that was it.

I took time off from studyinig on Saturday to go to the LA County Fair with some friends (one of my best friends from high school and my best friend from college). I had never been to a fair before, and this was a great introduction. It was so much fun! I went on the ferris wheel, pet sheep and goats, slid down a huge slide (riding on a potato sack), and tasted five different wines. I had a foot-long corn dog for lunch, shared a blooming onion for snack, and split a fried twinkie, fried snickers, and fried oreo for dinner. Yum. The fried snickers was the best. I’d go back to the fair just for that!