My Dream

Last night I attended the LA premiere of a Chinese art film/documentary called “My Dream.” The film features performances by the China Disabled People’s Performing Art Troupe, a group of 88 disabled performers with the average age of 18. The hearing impaired dance, visually impaired play instruments, and physically disabled performers sing. It is truly an inspiring and moving experience. Their message of life, love, hope, and peace is very touching. To see so many disabled yet incredibly talented people realize their dreams puts my own problems and concerns in perspective. The performers’ stories make me grateful for all that I have.

At the end of the screening, there were unexpected live performances, as well as opportunities to meet and take pictures with several of the performers. I got to meet the beautiful hearing impaired art director/performer Tai Lihua, who is also the face of the troupe. As I left, I received the DVD version of the film and a couple books about the performers and the documentary. A memorable night, to say the least. Tonight I will be attending the live show, which should prove to be a different but equally moving experience.

I’m New At This

A few weeks ago, I was in Borders and this incredibly cute guy who works there asked if I needed help finding anything. I said that I was just looking around, so he smiled and walked away. My default response to people in stores who ask if I need help is to say that I’m just looking. Once I realized this guy was really cute, I was kicking myself for not saying something better. Maybe I could have pretended like I needed help so I could have more interaction with him. The only thing left to do was to look at him from a distance, since that’s what you do with unattainable eye-candy, right?

I started watching him move around the bookstore and talk to other employees. He noticed that I was looking a couple times, to which I averted my glance immediately (which really made me look even more guilty). I went to the customer service desk and wrote my name, number, and email address on a piece of paper so that if I got the nerve to talk to him again, I would be prepared.

At a certain point, he told one of his coworkers that he was going on break, and he started moving toward the front entrance to leave. I thought, it’s now or never. Summoning all my courage, I walked out the door right behind him, walked up next to him and said “Hi.”

He said hi back. I didn’t know what to say after that (I hadn’t thought that far ahead), so I said, “Sorry, I’m new at this,” to which he replied, “You mean hitting on guys?” He was really nice about the whole thing. First he asked how old I was (which I thought was funny, he didn’t look his age either), and then he said he was flattered but was already seeing someone.

I’m 25 years old and I have had very few romantic experiences. My experience flirting and dating is next to nothing. Getting up the nerve to talk to the Borders guy was a big step for me. But ultimately, I still have a long way to go. My problem (one of many) is that I get super awkward around gay guys. I think it stems from the fact that I don’t have any gay friends in my social circle. That’s my fault, of course, because I’m not outgoing enough to make gay friends. But when I see gay guys, I get awkward. The reasoning is a bit circular.

I hope in the near future, I will again step out of my comfort zone and approach people I want to get to know. Otherwise, my pick up line will always be “I’m new at this.”

Hi.

I’m a normal boy. This is a reference to my favorite book, “The World of Normal Boys” by K.M. Soehnlein. The book is about a boy named Robin, growing up gay and feeling like the world is full of normal boys (of which he is not one). The irony, of course, is that Robin (like me) is actually just a normal boy, coming to terms with himself and the world in which he lives.

I am now 25 years old and am just starting to understand who I am and the world around me. I hope using this blog will help me in my understanding.